JUBILEE STREET PARTY DANGERS!

I am extremely worried and concerned about the danger to children that the Queen's Jubilee street parties may pose. Does not anyone realise what risks they may be putting children in by holding such al fresco parties?
Have they not heard of the serious and debilitating syndrome 'Precipitation Affecting Children and Malign Air Condition' (PACAMAC) that affects some poor kids for life? This frightening disorder is caused by rainfall. Exposing children to rain will almost certainly bring about this devastating trauma in which raindrops on clothing or even skin might make them wet.
Do adults not realise, too, that a mass murderer could be lurking on the edge of the street party, waiting to snatch an innocent child before bundling it into a van? The last occasion on which street parties were held, namely, the Queen's Golden Jubilee, four thousand children mysteriously disappeared across the country, never to be seen again. My own two children were taken (please don't bring them back if they turn up anywhere.)
Maybe al-Qaida are planning an attack on street parties, with Ilfracombe at the top of the list. Even worse, someone could take a photo of their child and inadvertently capture on film another child eating some trifle. Before you know it, the pictures will be around the world for paedophiles to leer at.
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